Beginning

Beginning or actually starting something is hard for me to do. I need to psych myself up for it. Its's not that I won't try, I totally will, I just get distracted along the way or I think I deserve a break because I opened the page. Me sitting down to write this is an example, I opened this page twenty minutes ago, twenty minutes before I actually started writing. I even had the intention of writing this right away, but I got distracted. What distracts me most when I'm trying to work on my computer at home are those little icons on top of the browser, you know, the icons of the websites you  favorited. I think to myself , I'll look for a second to see whats going on then I'll come right back to work. Them I look at the clock after what I think has been five minutes and in reality it's been five hours. When I'm offline I get distracted as well. It's harder for me to get distracted when I'm not on the computer because there is less I can do. What I mostly get distracted by are my sisters and pets.
Getting over the distractions and actually starting what I have to can be easy or difficult, it really depends on the day. Most days I can force myself to get the work done and once I get in the zone I'm good. Other days when my attention span isn't up to par I will still get distracted after I start and will have to keep going back to the project. For me it's really a matter of keeping the distractions out of my way while I'm trying to work.

Fear

Fear. Fear is an emotion I don't think I have of until I actually go to do or think of doing something. Growing up I was considered the fearless twin, I would jump off things and just go with the wind. I would do or try anything. But as I've grown up I realized that I have became more caution and gained more fears. These fears range from rational, tangible fears like snakes to being scared of things that I can't control the outcome too. Some of these fears come when I'm in that specific situation, some I'm able to conquer and others just pop up in my brain. These fears that just pop up are ones that mess me up when it comes to my art. They are why I have a pile of unfinished paintings, a million half filled sketchbook. They hold me back from auditions and in some cases being myself. The biggest fears that stop me are messing up what I already have and not being able to go back, being compared to someone else and falling short.
The messing up is a recent fear and I'm not 100% sure where it came from but none the less it's there, It's a hard one too push through but I'm gonna have to if I want to do anything in my life. I have to stop worrying about what could go wrong and just go with it, can always start again.
I'm also scared of being compered to others and falling short, which I know is something that will happen to me no matter what, but it's still a fear. I know exactly where this fear comes from unlike the last one. This one stems from being a twin and always being compared to someone growing up. I know being compared to someone or something else when I put my self out there is inevitable but it's still a scary thought. I want it to be "look at Tristen, she's great" not "look at Tristen, shes great but so and so is better". I know that won't always be the case and I need to get over this fear, it gets in my way and can be considered selfish.
(This us actually helping me to think about this things logically and all the way through)